So, I know the past like...million weekends I have talked about getting that coffee table re-do done. And this weekend truly was going to do it. Friday night at dinner I was plotting to my parents how I was dragging that puppy into the back yard to TCB (Take Care of Business) in the morning. It would be a new table by Saturday night.
After dinner, I wanted to run in TJ Maxx. I hadn't been in forever, and I was in need of a cheap canister for a little project that I want to do. But mostly I just wanted to oodle over the stuff! My dad also loves TJ Maxx, and my hubby had to work, so I invited Daddy to go with me.
On the way over, I started to feel a little funny. Like a pain in my pelvis. Once I got there and we walked around a little, I decided to use the restroom to see if I felt any better. By the time I made it back to my dad at the back of the store (we were only two aisles in!) I was having a sharp pain in my neck and chest and feeling really dizzy. So I told Dad I really needed to sit down for a second. He helped me over to a lovely chaise lounge that I am sure someone will love and then WHAM!
I don't know what happened. All I know is I was shaking, sweating, my chest was on fire and I felt like I could not breathe. I have never been so scared in my life. He helped me over to another lounge that was more laid back to see if I could pull myself together, but all I could think of was "This is it. I am dying." I know in retrospect that may have been dramatic but at the time, I felt like I was having a heart attack and that was it. I have never had an experience where I truly thought my life was over. It really is eye-opening. But we will get to that in uno momento.
So as I got more scared, my dad was talking to my mom (who is a nurse) on the phone about what was going on. I feel so bad because I am sure he felt so hopeless. I finally told him to call 911. So many sweet people came over and offered help. One lady laid her hand on me and prayed for me. (Lady, if you read this, please comment. I have no idea who you are but you brought me so much peace!) Ambulance came and took my vitals. They said I seemed stable, but wanted me to take a ride to the ER just to be safe. Talk about embarrassing, being carried out of your fav store on a stretcher on a Friday night!
So my dad followed the ambulance and my husband, mom and baby sis met us at the ER. Things kind of settled down once I was there, but I was still having headaches, chest pain and vertigo. They ran a million tests and kept us there from 7pm until about 3am. We still have no idea what happened. All I know is that I have been SO tired and that I still have mild chest pain, bad headaches and a little vertigo. I thought maybe it was anxiety so I had taken anxiety meds that my doctor gave me just in case, but they don't seem to make it go away. I am supposed to have a follow-up visit with my normal doc so I will keep you guys posted!
This whole experience has made me want to change so many things. I want to stop living for tomorrow. For the next project. For the next job or big raise. I want to live life now. If I feel like I want to do something, I need to just do it! I need to make smarter choices with my health. I need to get more rest. I need to worry more about God's agenda than my own. I need to draw close to him, because ultimately some day I will have to leave this world and with God is where I want to be! I want to enjoy my husband and where we are at right now. Not looking forward to the next big stage. Things will happen when the time is right. I want to leave dirty dishes in the sink so that I can enjoy an hour of TV or game time. If money is tight, that is life. I don't want to stress or argue over it.
I want to make time for friends and game nights. I want long talks over good meals or coffee. I want to make time for family. I am truly blessed with the greatest parents, siblings, sibling-in-laws, and in-laws in the world. I would not trade one single person. I love you all. I want to make a conscious effort to see each other more. Our family has been through a lot the last few months. I want to enjoy every second that I have with every one. I especially want to make time for my grandfather. He is sick and he needs his family now more than ever. I want to cherish these moments and memories that we get to make with him.
I want to love my job. Life is too short to hate what you do. If you hate it, find something you love. Fortunately, I do love my job. And if you don't love your job, and can't leave it, make the most out of it! I want to always look for the positive. I want my coworkers to feel valued and respected by me.
In general, I just want to devote time to things that matter. Things that I love. No more wasting time stressing. If I want to craft, I will craft. If I want to blog, I will blog. If I want to pull a piece of furniture off the side of the road, I will do it. If I want to cuddle my husband on the couch for a while instead of homework, I will do it.
But I also gotta get my health back to normal. Please pray that I can kick these pesky symptoms and get back to normal! That being said, I am sorry if I am a little slow on the project-sharin this week! Thanks for understanding! And thanks for reading this WHOLE post! (If you are still here!)